I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
