My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
