But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
