never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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