I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
