i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
