Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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