Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
