My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just high enough for therapy.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
