A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I feel great
I just peed on a car
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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