she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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