yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
