Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Dear god my vagina.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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