just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
