just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
