I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
