This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
