Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
i think my cat just said my name.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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