and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
