if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
