so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i will never coherently bang her
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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