if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
