worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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