So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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