So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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