I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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