does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
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her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
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And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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