I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
