btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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