shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
