...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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