wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
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