As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
