I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
