I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
