this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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