i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
