I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
