Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
being pregnant is like rehab
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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