If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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