I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize