carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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