I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
