420 ftw
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
