hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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