I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
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