I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
