You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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