Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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