On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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