Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
