Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
