i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
