4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
