Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
