just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
