I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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