You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
