The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
