one might say we're banned from that church
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
