apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
