Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
