Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize