I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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