I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Randomize
