they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
