You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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