The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
