she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
