Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
