I think my fart just growled at me.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
