I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
