i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
